Bae-wafa (lol) Okay I really couldn't think of any other name for this post. If I could, I would have used that!

What defines you? Some people would say that the kind of choices that a person makes, defines him or her. Or maybe, the kind of people that you surround yourself with, define you. Or maybe, your choice of your partner, defines you.

I say, that you are defined by the bad decisions you make. The type of fucked up situations you get yourself into, defines you. It describes and uncovers your deepest, darkest and the most messed up corners of your mind. That's my definition of "growing up". Learning what NOT to do. That is how you learned how to walk, right? Or to ride the bike? Failing a million times before you finally figure out the RIGHT way to do it? The same principle applies for sexual situations too. Failing a million times, okay, not a million.

Money, cars, gadgets etcetera, hold no value in the long run. The ONLY thing that a person can truly give to someone is, time. Because that's one thing that we all know that we are running out of. That's how you show affection, you give them your time and you expect the same in return. What happens when they misuse your time, or waste it? Or give it to someone else? Someone who doesn't deserve it. What do you do then?

Do you waste more time on them by crying, or displaying your fury? Which by the way is a really pointless thing to do because they have already wasted your time without flinching. They didn't value it. They did not value you. It is one of the most messed up feelings in the world.

What you are supposed to do then is, treat it like another bad choice. A bad decision. Learning what NOT to do and moving on.

That's how you learn how to walk.

Dead to me

She's dead to me, I thought to myself, sitting in my favorite spot of the room with a glass of whiskey in one hand and my phone in the other.

A familiar tear rolled down my cheek. I tried to make them stop, but I realized that there was no point in doing that. There was no one around me to make me feel better, or to ask me to calm down. Although, the emotion that followed that familiar tear was new. It was empowering. It was dark. It was rage. It was filling me up, yet, emptying me at the same time.

I'd fall asleep looking at our pictures every night. I thought to myself that it would be okay when the time is right. But the truth is, I fucked it up. I knew what I had, I knew what it meant. But I knew that it wouldn't work out the way I wanted it to. So, like a toy I couldn't play with anymore, I destroyed it.

She fixed it. But not for me. It was too late for me. Oh yes, she was there for me, but with a cold shoulder to offer. She would listen, but she wouldn't look into my eyes when I would scream my lungs out of the excruciating pain that she had given me. I wanted her to listen. I wanted her to talk. I wanted her to look into my eyes and tell me that she loved me. But I knew it was too late for me. I destroyed it because I knew that it was too good to be true.

Now, on the evening of her birthday, she is on another continent, enjoying a candlelit dinner with someone special and here I am reminiscing. I cannot stop myself from thinking about how he's putting his arms around you. Or how he's holding you. Or how he's gonna escort you back home safely.

Love is too complex an emotion.

She is dead to me, but you never stop loving your dead.

Motivation? Missing

I'm in a position in my life where I lack the motivation, the urge, the impulse, to get off of my ass and actually do something productive.

Coming up with ideas isn't the problem. Trust me, I have a bunch of ideas on how I can be productive.

Idea Number 1 - I wanted to start my own YouTube channel. You know, putting up song covers, maybe a few compositions of my own. For that, I had to practice. My guitar is barely 2 feet away from my bed (where I spend 90 percent of my time), and yet, I don't get off of my lazy ass (hehe, I knew that the URL of my blog will be useful someday) and actually practice.

Idea Number 2 - I wanted to maintain a little diary or a notepad or something of that sort, where I write all the poems and 2 liners and 4 liners I come up with. For that, I needed to get a proper notebook, you know, the one with the faded yellow pages and the leather cover. Idea Number 1 covered how lazy I really am. So, well yeah.

Idea Number 3 - I came up with this amazing idea a few days back to write a murder-mystery novel. For that, I needed my laptop. Just, my laptop. Which is on me, pretty much all the time. Did I write the thing? No. Did I even start it? Nope. Am I gonna start it anytime soon? Probably not.

The lack of motivation, the urge to do something so darn awesome, the need to create something beautiful, is now lost. Temporarily, I hope.

The worst part about situation is that I don't know how to get it back. I don't know where to begin. I don't know how to get that energy back in me.

Fuck this. Too lazy to write another paragraph.

To Old Ties and Bonds

So, yeah, I finally convinced myself to continue blogging, even after my page views still rot away in the initial stages of thousands.

Old Ties and Bonds; We all have some people in our lives at some point of our lives, whom we consider to be with us 'forever'. We make promises to each other and we plan out our future. Now, these people, they maybe friends or lovers. Friends more than lovers though.

The worst part about these people is that they forget about the promises that they made. Now, I might sound a little childish, or immature, but I take promises very seriously. At one moment, they are sad about the fact that you are leaving them....more promises...'I will call you every single day!', 'I will text you every single day!' and 'We will Skype all the time! Don't worry! It'll be like I'm right next to you.'. The next moment, it's like you never even existed.

Now, these people are the kind of people you thought will stick by your side for the better part of your life. I mean, you are forced to think, what did you do that fucked it up? You try to pinpoint your error for days before you finally snap and text them. The reply? 'oh, nothing at all, I have just been busy with college and stuff. SO SO SO SO sorry. I promise that we will talk everyday now.'.

The 'best-friends' are strangers now. I am not the kind of person who goes around calling every other person my best friend. When I give that title to someone, I make sure that they deserve it.


Sometimes, my judgments go wrong.

One day at a time..

Ever had that kind of a person in your life, who has had an impact on your life so great that you cannot think what you would do without them? Yeah, I know that feeling is great, one of a kind. It is something which cannot be reproduced.
How about, when they leave? Or, its something they do that compels you to throw them out of your life, unrooting every proof of their very existence?
No matter how much you try to believe it, you still haven't forgotten about them.
Happy memories haunt you. You say to yourself that you have moved on, but the truth is, a part of the, continues living inside you. (That, was a deep thought. Unusual)

How people usually deal with this is that they block them off every social networking site or any other means of communication. By doing this, they "think" that they have overcome the urge to look at their pictures and slip into the reminiscent state. In no time, you unblock and get stalking. Which is sort of disturbing on a certain level.

You delete thier photos and messages. You burn their gifts or in some cases get a litlle bollywood-ish and burn their photograph and flush it. By doing so, you feel relieved. But, for so long. Next thing you know that you are calling them up after getting wasted at a friend's birthday party. Which also is kind of a no-no.

Some people resort to violence (virtual, of course). Playing first person shooter games and imagining the guy you just shot down to be "them". (Personal favorite. Yes, it is effective.)

Others might stick to the basics, "To get over someone, you gotta get under someone." (or "ON", depends on personal choice or dominance, whichever suits best in the heated situation.)


My opinion, the only thing that can actually get you to move on from that person, is time.
The only thing that can really heal a broken heart, is time and patience. (But yeah, burning and shooting are considered to the contributing factors, so....yeah)

After all, you gotta take it one day at a time.

Something that's been on my mind lately.

How is it that some people think so highly of themselves, for no apparent reason?
Why is it that whenever you interact with such a person, you feel that you are being pushed down?
EGO, that's your answer.
For me the definition of having an ego is, not being able to take any kind of criticism whatsoever.
I mean, what gives, the egoistic people, the right to just "show off"? Like they're so special?
It is really annoying. They feel that they're somehow superior. Like, the blood running through their nerves and veins is special. Like, they have a better functioning brain or a superiority over everyone.
I too, have an ego, a huge one at that, but I choose NOT to exhibit it. That makes life easier for me and for those around me.

Haven't updated in a while, so here it is.

I don't know where this post is going, but I'm just gonna say whatever has been on my mind lately.

Whatever may go down in life, everything ultimately boils down to the choices you make. Fate is just a way of comforting one's mind that everything is "pre-planned".

As a person approaches the eve of his life, he might think that what his life would have been like, if he had taken a right turn instead of a left when he left his house, on the day he met the love of his life for the first time.
Now one might say that it doesn't matter, if those two people were meant to be, they would have found a way to meet. Their "fates" were decided.
I beg to differ.

Everything depends upon the choices people make in their lives. EVERY little decision made, has consequences, positive or negative.